Depression and Love

I've decided to post some more of my writing/poetry. I am still somewhat apprehensive to post it on my blog. But I am learning to trust that this is a place where I can comfortably express myself and more specifically express the creative side of me. These two pieces were written at different points in my life. One of them is very dark and written many years ago when I was going through a tough time. The other one is short but positive and uplifting. I value your comments and feedback.

Depression.
It is around me.
My heart is sore.
I know not why but I do know... it is on me.
It is in me.
I feel it through my bones.
Through the depths of my skin it caresses me.
Will it leave, I don't know?
It is heavy.
It is omnipresent.
I ask why?
I receive no response.
It is cold.
It is there.
The blackness surrounds but there is hope.
But hope is lost.
It is crushed.
My heart is shattered into thousands of pieces.
They cut my feet and the blood drips.
My feet heel but the blackness is still in me.
It is heavy.
It is here.
It is everywhere.




Love.
It is a magnificent word.
At times it is so overwhelmingly strong.
It is the reason for living.
To love, it is a gift that we were given.
Only the Almighty has the power to grant us that gift.
He alone can give meaning to that word.
He alone is the meaning of the word.
God is love.

'Who I am'

I just got back from Poetry Night at a local coffee shop named Rocky Shore Coffee Co. and I was impressed and inspired by the talent of our local writers and poets here in Panama City, FL. The fact that they had the courage to get up and share their writing in a public setting amazed me.
It made me think about the writing that I do.  I enjoy writing, journaling and blogging. But who do I write for? Why do I write? I've came to the conclusion that I write for me. I write what I want to hear. If I start to write things that I think others want to hear, then I am writing for the wrong reasons. I need to write for me. I don't mean that in a self-centered way. Its just that my writing is for my own mental well being. My writing expresses the emotions, thoughts and ideas that are bouncing around inside my head.
With all that being said I want to share some of my writing with you. This is the very first time I have ever shared anything I wrote. It's short and its probably not very good but I wrote it for me. It doesn't have any special meaning and probably doesn't make too much sense but its what flowed from my brain to pen to paper. And it felt good to write.

'Who I am'

I am here. I am strong. I am weak
I am free. I am released. I am excited.
I am trusting, patient, passionate.

I am searching, yet I am waiting. I have been given another chance.
I am forgiven and I forgive. I give God the control.

I am hurt. I have been broken.
From brokenness comes healing and strength.

Something touches my heart and soul. It is God's love.
I am grateful. I am thankful. I am overwhelmed.

I put this love and passion to a purpose, a focus.
My passion is for God. He is my everything. He has made me who I am.

Why I love Northstar Church

I've bee thinking lately what has helped me make it through tough times I have had recently? Who has been therefor me in times of need? Where have I experienced powerful and amazing friendships? I've came to the conclusion that it is Northstar Church. I know most of you have no idea what Northstar is all about so let me fill you in.

Northstar is a place where love flows. "It's a place where all are welcome, nobody's perfect and anything is possible." It is a place where lives are changed. It is a body of believers who have faith in Jesus Christ. It is a place that God is using to serve and love our community. It's a place that God is using to reach the rest of the world with his love.

Northstar is a place that has changed me and shaped me into the person I am today. When I was down and hurting, Northstar was there. When I lost a family member to cancer, Northstar was there. When I had questions about God and my faith, Northstar was there. This place has brought great joy to my life and I value every friend I made through Northstar.

There is an amazing group of people here in Panama City, FL who make up a body of believers called Northstar Church. God is using this church for some truly amazing things and I can not wait to see what the future holds. I am eternally grateful for the love, compassion, friendship and honesty shown to me by the many people who attend Northstar. God is God and God is good and I love Northstar Church.

expression through creativity and "art"

I have been feeling very introspective lately. I have recently gone through some big changes in my life. And these changes have allowed me to really think, ponder, wonder and consider many things about myself. One of those things that I have thought about a lot is the lack of creativity and "art" in my life.
    "Art" as defined by me is something that you use as a tool to express your self. Things such as music, photography, writing, painting...etc.  I enjoy art. I enjoy great music. I enjoy amazing photography. I enjoy writing. I want these things to be more of a part of my life. More of a part of who Tim McBride is. I have always admired the creative arts but now I have begun to embrace its many forms.
   When I start to write it feels good. It feels like it's something I should be doing. Thats why I do it. I encourage you to do something that artfully expresses your self. I will be the first to admit that I am still learning how to do these things. I am teaching my self how to play guitar better. I am reading and learning about photography and constantly learning how to better express my self through the written word. I know that when I do these things it adds depth to who I am and provides a way for me to release my thoughts, passions, ideas and emotions. Thats all I got for now, more to come later.
p.s. credit goes to my friend Sarah Cusick for the amazing floral photography.

"Need Money For Rocket Fuel"

So it has been over a year since I last updated this blog. I last spoke of a Milwaukee, WI band by the name of 'I'm Not A Pilot' and the release of their EP. Well a year later they have released their first full length album "Need Money For Rocket Fuel". It is an amazingly fresh and organic album that truly inspires.
    Charles Nevsimal of Milwaukee's Info Magazine describes I'm Not A Pilot's unique sound better than I ever could..."Their own sound is itself at once both lavish and sparse, infusing an Indie-Pop proclivity perfused with Classical influences."
    I am a lover of great music, especially music of the independent record label variety. I have heard a wide assortment of music over the last several years and nothing sounds quite like 'I'm Not A Pilot'. They have something unique and touching. Their new album is both melodic and thought provoking. Mark Glatzel's lead vocals and song writing skills have grown to new heights. But personally what keeps me coming back and wanting more is the inclusion of professional cellist Peter Thomas of the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra. He provides the unique sound of INAP. They are unique because they lack the traditional instrument of guitar. Peter Thomas more than fills the void with his professionally classical cello skills. I can't speak enough of how their sound moves the emotions of the listener. It provides an aura of contemplativity that rarely shows itself in today's music. They almost have an emotionally atmospheric sound. I have heard INAP compared to Arcade Fire and Ben Folds. But I would like to add one more band to that mix...Sigur Ros. The Icelandic natives Sigur Ros have mastered the musical art form of 'atmospheric pop'. Whether by choice or not, I'm Not A Pilot has thrust themselves into that genre of thought provoking and heart moving musical art. Give them a listen and see what you have been missing. http://www.imnotapilot.com