Jeanne Elaine McBride

April 3rd 1951 -- September 24th 2007

Today is a sad day. I lost my mom this morning at 5:30am. She awoke at 5am with some breathing problems and the hospice nurses treated her with a Nebulizer with a narcotic drug that helped calm her breathing and anxiety down. Then she looked over at Jacki, her partner, and died. Even though she died sooner that expected I am relieved that she is not suffering any more. She died peacefully, comfortably, without pain and with the person she loved. Please pray for my family as we deal with the grief of losing her.

Losing my Mom

My mom and my sister Kelly

So here is the update on my mom. Her name is Jeanne and he has breast cancer for those of you who didn't know that. Any way she is going downhill fast. The cancer is taking over her body and on Friday we made the decision to put her in a hospice facility called Cherry Meadows. That was her wishes when she got to the stage she is at. Right now the cancer is taking over her brain. It is also ravaging her liver, lungs, and bones. She is on a lot of pain meds for the pain and as a result is not feeling much pain but on Friday things took a turn for the worst. Lately she has started forgetting things and losing her short term memory and Friday she started to not be very lucid. She had a breathing issue where she could not get enough oxygen and she started to panic and we had to get the nurses to come to the house and then she started acting very confused and disoriented and that's when the nurse suggested that it was time to send her to the hospice facility.
So according to the hospice nurses, basically it is just a matter of days or week or two until we lose her. Her body is losing the battle against the cancer. Please pray for my mom that she doesn't feel pain and please pray for my family as we deal with my mom's impending death.

my mom's cancer update

So just the other day I bought plane tickets to go see my mom. Why am I telling you this? Well, for those of you who do not know, my mom has been fighting breast cancer for the last 5 years. And lately things have not been so good for her. She has started to go downhill since I last saw her back in early June. The cancer spread to her liver and that is what is giving her the greatest problems. She has a significant amount of pain from her liver but thankfully is able to control and stay one step ahead of the pain through some pretty strong pain meds. She is also losing her appetite and losing weight and energy as a result of this.
Basically she doesn't have much time left. You never really know exactly how long but she feels she only has a couple months left. This is so hard to hear because I love my mom so much and don't want to lose her. My sisters and my mom's partner, Jacki are also having a pretty tough time dealing with this. So prayers for my mom and our family are much appreciated. The thing that I do find comfort in during this time is that fact that mom loves and knows Jesus Christ. And she is looking forward to the day that she can forever be in the loving presence of God. Amen.
If you want to hear a first person account of dealing with cancer, check out my mom's blog. Its listed on the right side of my page.

The future of our nation?

Romney, Giuliani, McCain

Edwards, Clinton, Obama

So who is it going to be? I know it is a little early to be talking about who our next president is going to be and I know some of you don't give a crap about politics but I thought I would say a few words.
The biggest thing that I want to say is that I am completely undecided and right in the middle. Well maybe not exactly in the middle, some of you might say that I am conservative, but I would call myself a right leaning moderate. But when it comes to the six pictured above, none of them excite me that much. So my question is who should I vote for? You tell me. There are +'s and -'s about all these candidates and I don't want to get into that here. That is for you to tell me. Here is some info for you...I have voted Republican since being of age to vote BUT if the election were today I am leaning left towards Barack or Edwards. But who knows, I can be swayed one way or another. So open the dialogue and talk to me. If you don't like politics then ignore this. But if you do have an opinion, I want to here it.
I love God and love Jesus Christ but that doesn't mean that the White House is the place for a Christian. Don't get me wrong, I would hope that our President loves Christ as I do but I believe that as f0llowers of Christ we can do far more beneficial things outside of politics (more on this in a future post). I also love the environment and nature but that doesn't mean I am a tree hugging liberal. And so on...there are both liberal and conservative issues that I support. Also I am so sick of the partisan bull sh*! in our nation's capital. I would like to see a president who could bridge that divide.
So thanks for letting me rant...I won't talk politics all the time but sometimes, its whats on my and now let it be on your mind.

The Call

I thought I would say a little something about my thought pattern lately. I have been constantly wondering what am I supposed to do in life? I don't think raising two kids as a stay at home dad is my calling in life. For this present moment that is probably what is best for my family. But I think a lot about my future, my passions, my possible career choices, my love for God, how to support my family financially and other various important issue that deal with everyday life. The question I have is, what is God calling me to do? That is the question, the BIG question.
I have thought through several options. Maybe it is enrolling at a seminary. For what? Maybe a masters degree in Christian counseling. I have always loved talking, interacting and meeting new people. Maybe that is the avenue for me but another part me is longing for something else.
That something else is sharing Christ's love and the truth of his saving message. I have always loved and supported missions and missionaries. In fact that is where I met Abby, on the missions field in a foreign country where people had no clear idea who Jesus is or how they can know him and love him. I feel that I am willing to serve God in any way. If he wants me over seas on the mission field, then I welcome that with open arms. But I wonder, what country, with what organization, when? I guess if that is my calling God will provide the answers and the leading. So I going to pray and try to be proactive about all this. I am going to open my self up to all possibilities, even ones not mentioned in this rambling blog entry. I will leave you with a thought that Katie S. , a staff member at our church, wrote on her bio on our church's website. "In ministry, if you have a passionate heart, God will equip you in His timing with what He deems is necessary for Him to be give glory through you! 'God does not call the equipped, but He equips the called!' "

Minneapolis bridge collapse

So I am sure ya'll have heard about the bridge collapse in Minneapolis. If not flip on any cable news channel or go to a news website. When I first saw the news this morning it took my breath away. I couldn't believe a bridge like that could just collapse into the Mississippi river. I can only pray that everyone is ok. What scared me the most is that Abby and I have driven over that bridge hundreds of times while I was in college. That bridge is only a half mile from the University of Minnesota which was my home for six years. In fact a couple of places that I lived at in college are with in spitting distance of the bridge. I can't imagine what everyone up there is going through right now. I have numerous friends in the Twin cities and heard from several of them that they are ok. So simply please pray.

long time, no write

view from the Appalachian Trail
My buds and I at Charlie's Bunyan
Our 5 star accommodations atop Mt. LeConte
sunset atop of Mt. LeConte
The crew at New Found Gap (the beginning of our 11 mile hike)


As I say every time, it has been along time since my last post. But oh well.
The latest thing going on with me is that I went on a Men's Retreat with my church. About a dozen of us guys drove up to the Smokey Mt's. and hiked in Smokey National Park. It was a blast! I have never been in that part of the country and it is beautiful. We hiked 11 miles to the top of Mt. LeConte (6,500 ft) and stayed in a lodge on the top of the mountain. That was one of the hardest things I have done in a while. Near the end of the hike the grade gets pretty steep and my buddy Ted and I ended up having to rest about every 10 min's because of the thin air and the steepness of the grade. Being out of shape probably had a little to do with it too. It was worth it though. The views were incredible.
We also were able to spend a day white water rafting on the Ocoee River in Tennessee. If you are not familiar with the river, it is one the best rivers there are for white water rafting. It contains some of the best class 3, 4,and 5 rapids in North America. In fact we rafted the Olympic section of the river that was used in the 1996 Atlanta Summer Olympics for white water Olympic kayaking. It had an entire section of solid class 4 rapids that just about tossed me out of the raft.
All in all the trip was a blast I enjoyed getting out in nature for a while and getting to know some the other guys from my church. If you are ever in that part of the country go check out Smokey Mt. National Park, it is well worth it.

Northstar finally has a new home!

Today was a great day for the Northstar Church family! Ab and I have been members for the last 3 years of an incredible church called Northstar here in Panama City. Northstar is a modern, contemporary, seeker friendly church which is a rarity down here in the old, traditionally conservative south. The reason it is a great day is because Northstar just closed on a contract to purchase a new facility. The reason that is awesome is because Northstar has never had a permanent home. For the last 6+ years we have been meeting in a middle school. But today begins the new journey of our new home. We have about a 12-18 month remodel ahead of us before we can move into the new facitily, but when we do it will be amazing. The building we just purchased is on one of the busiest corners in Bay county in a very central location in Panama City, which means an unbeleivable amount of exposure for our church! I can't wait to see how God is going to use this new building to reach the people of Bay county for Christ. If any of you like to pray out there, please pray that the remodel process and the transition into our new building will continue with out problems. Also feel free to check out the link to northstar church in my link section to the right. Our new website was recently voted the #6 coolest church website in America and there is a picture of Sam in the photo galleries section where you can view family ministries photos. http://www.northstarpc.org/

Favre

If you are not from WI and not a football fan than this post is probably going to bore you. The Man, the Myth, the Legend is coming back! So it took me a week to get this post up, but I have other things going on (caring for 2 kids). Anyway I am so stoked that Favre is coming back for another year. I believe that #4 still has some magic left in him. Yeah, he is not in his prime any longer but he is still an above average QB who is better than half the QB's in the league. I do believe that he can take the Pack to the playoffs and maybe futher? Superbowl maybe?! I know that might be dreaming but a mans gotta dream right?

My mom

So I just talked to my mom and she told me her cancer is progressing to the point where most people at this stage only live for another year. I wish I could tell you how I felt when I heard this but I can't. There are not words to express. It hurts. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago and had a double mastectomy. A couple of years ago we found out the cancer cells returned to her lungs and bones. Just last week she learned that they had spread to her liver and lower spine. She is now going threw her second batch of chemo which after it is all said and done, will help her feel much better. Whats hard for me right now is the though of her not being here. That hurts and makes me want to cry. I love my mom. She is such an incredible woman and I don't want God to take her away from us. She is so strong though. She love God so much and is at peace with what ever He has in store for her. If I had half the unconditional love and strength that my mom has I would be a better man. I don't know what else to say other than please pray for my mom. I don't know who reads this blog anymore but if you do pray. Prayer is powerful. God is miraculous. If he wanted to he could rid her body of cancer in an instant. God's love heals!